Having unique talents is an integral part of being edgy. So when the Edgy Goodies team was brainstorming product ideas, we naturally came to the conclusion that all of our customers should be able to pick locks.
Now, if you see this and you’re thinking of doing something nefarious, I should point out that this would be a waste of money for you. People who want to steal and do harm have little use for lockpicks. The whole point of picking a lock is to avoid doing damage. Burglars, Democrats, and other criminals would be better off investing in a crow bar or campaign advertisements, since they are primarily interested in destroying things.
But you, edgelord, this is a fine investment for you, because you are foundationally an upstanding citizen who only wants to help people who have been locked out of places where they have a right to be. This Locksmith Starter Kit contains a 15 piece lockpick set, with 12 picks, 3 tension tools, and a stylish carrying case. To sweeten the deal, we’ve also included an additional 5 pick set, with a carrying case disguised as a credit card.
But having lockpicks does not a locksmith make. You need the unique talent to make them useful. To help you develop this unique talent, we have also included a see through practice lock, so that you can see the internal workings of the lock as you attempt to open it, an advantage you will find distinctly lacking when you try to open your front door after losing your keys.
To buy these all together from a locksmith supply shop, you would pay $8.50 for the practice lock, $29.95 for a 13 piece lockpick set (two less than ours), and $15 for the credit card pick set, for a total of $53.45. But since we want you to be the edgiest edgelord around, we are offering you this entire set for just $33!
Impress your friends, and never fear losing your keys again. With this Locksmith Starter Kit, a locked door becomes a mere riddle for you to solve!